brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
