I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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