Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
