dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
