All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
