gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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