Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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