Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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