so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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