hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize
