One girl and one boy is just not enough.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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