You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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