whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
