he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My feet surprised me
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
