You smell like stripper and shame
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
