Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
