if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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