ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
