Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
