Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
