It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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