The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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