My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
