Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
