Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
