I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
