I wanna bring you to show and tell
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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