Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
