she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
