yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
