My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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