Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
