The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
