Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
