I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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