okay pat passed out under dana's car
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
