The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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