what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
