Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
