so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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