I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't think brook has ever known best
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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