Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
