Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
