So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
he had hair everywhere except his balls
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
