dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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