why didn't you poke me back
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
