U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
