that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
