i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
