sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
