But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
