You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
