so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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