It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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