worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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